Title: Traken
Character: Nyssa
Rating: PG-13?
'Verse: Relative Space
Beta: The amazing
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bluekiwibubble/oh_rabbits/eutermesan. Thank you!Summary: Nyssa thinks about how she really feels about Traken.
I was thinking about it today; crying actually. I miss it terribly sometimes. I suppress it a lot, trying not to show my true emotions about it. I guess that came from Traken. Emotions weren't well received there. A world of true peace and tranquility, anger, grief, passion, it all would ruin it. My mum told me about emotions, and worlds where they were encouraged. When she was younger, there was a rebellion. A very small one where most of the rebels were suppressed or else they disappeared. Mother had listened to what they'd had to say, listening in on secret meetings. She'd heard about those worlds, and wanted to visit them. She never did. Instead she met and married father, and they were very happy together. Secretly and perhaps by accident I was born to them, a passion child instead of a scientific one. But since I've got a brilliant mind in the field of sciences and especially bioelectricity it didn't seem to matter that much to anyone. Besides if I or my parents had been mocked or disregarded it would have disturbed the peace, so everyone just went on smiling.
I suppose my childhood was a happy one. Except for when I was five. When I was five, mother took me to the forest and told me about emotions and other worlds. She asked my father if he would leave with us but he refused, he was kind and gentle and he belonged on Traken. He said that he would feel very sad and he wished we wouldn't go, but if she felt she must than she must. He wanted me to stay behind though.
Mum left with me. We went to a union ship and tried to get aboard. But a Consul found us. He asked me to come with him, that my father wanted to see me and they wanted to talk to mother. I haven't seen her since. I think she might have left after all. Father acted as if she had died, it was an easier way to deal I guess.
After he died, and the Doctor departed, I was left an orphan on Traken. I was supposed to be raised by the Union and the Council. It was hard. Noone said anything, but I know they blamed me for what had happened, it was my father and stepmother who everything had seemed to centre around. And the Doctor had disturbed the perfect peace.
I missed Adric. I missed my father more, but I missed Adric. It was nice to talk to someone close to my own age. When the Watcher came, I was very happy to see him, especially when he said he was here to take me to see the Doctor. I don't think I could have stood another day on Traken, it was too hard. I was consumed by grief but the postive ions and peace kept trying to take care of it, I had no one, even my friends had calmly and nicely kept their distance from me, it was like I was infected by something that wasn't peaceful.
I don't think Traken was a Utopia, really. After all I've seen with the Doctor, maybe it's a good thing Traken didn't survive. It wouldn't have anyway. They said Evil calcified in the atmosphere, and it did, but I don't think that kept the badness from coming in. I've seen that perfect peace is impossible. I guess I've always known it.
I'll never forgive the Master for killing my father and stealing his body, but, even though it was a horrible loss of life, maybe I shouldn't hold Traken's destruction against him as much. Many other planets were destroyed in the wave of entropy after all.
I've heard that putting posts on these journal things that are in the communicators gets responses. I'm being silly aren't I. Feeling like this, it's nonsense really, Traken isn't horrible, it's just different, I think I might be being terribly pessimistic now, I'm angry I think, for whatever reason and I need something to blame. Oh I'm so confused. Perhaps I'll just forget about this now?
-Nyssa
- Mood:
sad
(click for full size)
- Mood:
chipper
"Tegan?!" She calls
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- trakensdaughter
- Nyssa of Traken
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